Notes on a marriage

Pete and I celebrated our 4^th anniversary yesterday. It seems equally long and incredibly short. We can’t believe it was 4 whole years ago that we were partying it up at the glass museum with quite a few of you. What a fun night that was!

The traditional gift for a fourth anniversary is flowers. Super cute, but neither of us got flowers for the other person. Oops. I didn’t even look up the traditional gifts until today. Here’s a fun fact for you: The traditional gift for the fifth anniversary is wood.

Seeing as how we’ve really put in our time and weathered the years of marriage, we have complied a list of advice for other married people, people who are getting married, will someday get married, or even for those who just feel like finishing this post. In honor of our four years, we each give you 4 nuggets of wisdom. You can thank us later.

For wives, from a wife:

1. When he shrinks your 3^rd sweater of the year, don’t get mad. Instead, be happy that he’s doing laundry, and learn to hide your sweaters.

2. When you both have a cozy, rainy day off, and he spends most of the day holed up in his office, reading some ancient text, don’t get angry. Find some old 90210 reruns online, and realize there are MUCH worse things he could be doing with his time. Donna Martin graduates.

3. When he insists he will eat all 2 lbs of the garlic hummus he just bought at Costco, and then doesn’t, don’t get mad. Simply remember that after a crazy night of bingeing on garlic hummus, the sheets smell funny in the morning. You win this one.

4. When your husband goes to the grocery store 3 times in a 2 hour period because he refused to make a list, realize he’s probably punished himself enough already. No words are necessary.

For husbands, from a husband:

1. When, after a nice dinner out, you ask if she wants dessert, then insist that you aren’t going to get anything, expect anger. This is because eating dessert alone does nothing for one’s self-esteem. Lesson: get dessert.

2. When she asks “Does this outfit look kinda weird?” WARNING! This is crazy woman code. Vigorously shake your head no, and back away slowly so as not to startle her.

3. When your wife says” I don’t care, you pick the restaurant.” Realize that she means it, and her blood sugar has dipped dangerously low. Man up and be decisive….otherwise you will lose more than your choice of restaurant.

4. When you happen to stay up later than your wife, realize that even though she normally sleeps like a tranquilized circus bear, it is unacceptable to violently leap into bed and yank the covers to your side. Are you trying to wake the bear???